“Six months ago, I missed home…”

in a nonchalant, see-something-cool-want-to-call-someone kind of way. But, now that I am back in Baguio after a two month “vakasyon at home,” this feeling of homesickness is much stronger. I know what I am missing: the National Anthem at Dodger games; wedding planning; BerryCool; feeding ducks; shouts during Lakers games; farmers’ markets; learning the Word of God from and with my siblings; unexpected in-depth conversations during car rides; visiting museums; the plethora of food at barbeques; seeing the children of our family grow up; picking up kids at school. It’s not specifically these activities, but rather the people who know me best, who have witnessed me growing up, who have made me furious beyond comprehension, who God has used to encourage and convict me that I’ll miss. On the other hand, as much as I experienced lovely and edifying times since March, I also felt the opposite. I wanted to shake faith into my family, I bit my tongue when friends pointed fingers at me and I succumbed to laziness.

So, you see, reflection has both brought me joy and guilt since arriving back here in Baguio. Yes, the past couple of months have been wonderfully peaceful and challenging. The same, I foresee, will happen here. While schoolwork, living in humble conditions and in culture shock may be part of this hardship, my struggle is greater. In its place is this battle raging within me to do what I am called to do, to stand for the Truth and forsake pride, to do what I know I should do. My actions the past two months have already said that which I believe; and reflecting on this fact just shows how unrighteous I am. In the middle of this thunder and lightning rainstorm that has been raging for days now [and now that I’m editing days later, a storm that has safely subsided into beautiful sunny days with gentle breezes], I see the power of my Lord, my Creator, and I marvel at how this holy God can love one such as myself.

I pray for the Holy Spirit to work in me, specifically for these next ten months, because it will take a miracle to change me into the woman He has called me to be. Good thing our God is the master of miracles, otherwise I’d be screwed.

<3 Amy Grace